Friday, July 29, 2005
From Sarong party girl:
I had a little talk with some people over coffee yesterday, and one of the girls basically looked at me a little condescendingly and said it like I must be a completely weirdo and slut to consider every romantic, sexual conquest as an experience that has made me the person I am today [...]
Is virginity/ celibacy all that worth it? I think not. Sex with all those people I had slept with before doesn’t make me enjoy sex less with the people I really like. When you do it out of pure physical desire and emotion, out of an unadulterated want for the other person, sex stays pure. It’s when you start doing it to make yourself feel better, or specifically so you can get something materially tangible out of it that it starts to get bad. It’s just like how reading trashy chick-lit doesn’t stop be from enjoying something like The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I enjoy them both of course, but knowing the clear difference in quality doesn’t become an impossibility because my mind has been numbed by the other bits of trash that I’ve read and secretly enjoyed.
Oh the other hand, if you’ve never slept with at least a few people in your life, and you eventually marry someone out of insecurity (because you’ve never really experienced being wanted by anyone else), then you’ll just lead a half-assed romantic life for the rest of your life. Somehow it’s alright, because what you don’t know won’t hurt you. But I don’t think that’s true when it comes to romance. It’s biologically hardwired in people to require that their special other WANTS them. And at what level of want is necessary in order to stay sane in the relationship. And it’s a pity some people never have that.
And the other thing I realized was that it’s just a hell lot easier to defend being a virgin then to structure personal introspection into rational thought in order to get why you aren’t a virgin and am glad you are not (note, not proud, glad.) one to conventional Singaporean society. Either choice is not bad or good, it’s what you want at the end of the day that really matters. Choosing freely to preserve your virginity in this day and age takes as much confidence, courage and independence as choosing to sleep with who you want to when you wish. Both require independence from the opinions of the people that do not matter, and the confidence to live life how you really believe it should be led.
It’s the people that struggle to remain virgins, or sleep around to assuage their insecurities that make people on either end of the spectrum look at the other people on the other end with disdain and contempt. Pity, because the truth is, we’re both the same inside; we’re both choosing to live life how we believe it should be led.
It does make hell lot more sense than you think.
I had a little talk with some people over coffee yesterday, and one of the girls basically looked at me a little condescendingly and said it like I must be a completely weirdo and slut to consider every romantic, sexual conquest as an experience that has made me the person I am today [...]
Is virginity/ celibacy all that worth it? I think not. Sex with all those people I had slept with before doesn’t make me enjoy sex less with the people I really like. When you do it out of pure physical desire and emotion, out of an unadulterated want for the other person, sex stays pure. It’s when you start doing it to make yourself feel better, or specifically so you can get something materially tangible out of it that it starts to get bad. It’s just like how reading trashy chick-lit doesn’t stop be from enjoying something like The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I enjoy them both of course, but knowing the clear difference in quality doesn’t become an impossibility because my mind has been numbed by the other bits of trash that I’ve read and secretly enjoyed.
Oh the other hand, if you’ve never slept with at least a few people in your life, and you eventually marry someone out of insecurity (because you’ve never really experienced being wanted by anyone else), then you’ll just lead a half-assed romantic life for the rest of your life. Somehow it’s alright, because what you don’t know won’t hurt you. But I don’t think that’s true when it comes to romance. It’s biologically hardwired in people to require that their special other WANTS them. And at what level of want is necessary in order to stay sane in the relationship. And it’s a pity some people never have that.
And the other thing I realized was that it’s just a hell lot easier to defend being a virgin then to structure personal introspection into rational thought in order to get why you aren’t a virgin and am glad you are not (note, not proud, glad.) one to conventional Singaporean society. Either choice is not bad or good, it’s what you want at the end of the day that really matters. Choosing freely to preserve your virginity in this day and age takes as much confidence, courage and independence as choosing to sleep with who you want to when you wish. Both require independence from the opinions of the people that do not matter, and the confidence to live life how you really believe it should be led.
It’s the people that struggle to remain virgins, or sleep around to assuage their insecurities that make people on either end of the spectrum look at the other people on the other end with disdain and contempt. Pity, because the truth is, we’re both the same inside; we’re both choosing to live life how we believe it should be led.
It does make hell lot more sense than you think.
