Sunday, July 31, 2005
Thirds.
I.
At the starbucks cafe he asked about my plans for the night. We both were ready to adjust our schedules just so we could hang out again, the third and last time before I was due to leave early next morning.
II.
His taxi was homebound when he got my call, he didn't think I was going to meet up after all. As he got the driver to head back, I stood at the corner of a junction, unsure if we could find each other again, waiting to get third time lucky.
III.
Three encounters and one last night back to where we first stumbled upon each other. All I've got are bitter-sweet memories of an impossible fate, holding out on god-knows-what the little bits. Tell me this is not the end.
I.
At the starbucks cafe he asked about my plans for the night. We both were ready to adjust our schedules just so we could hang out again, the third and last time before I was due to leave early next morning.
II.
His taxi was homebound when he got my call, he didn't think I was going to meet up after all. As he got the driver to head back, I stood at the corner of a junction, unsure if we could find each other again, waiting to get third time lucky.
III.
Three encounters and one last night back to where we first stumbled upon each other. All I've got are bitter-sweet memories of an impossible fate, holding out on god-knows-what the little bits. Tell me this is not the end.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Not just another lazy thursday afternoon.
J and I were eating our subway lunches by the greens when we were approached for an interview by saatchi & saatchi guys. We can't help noticing the young dude handling the camera who looks like utt, and he's friendly in a shy way too.
Central business district, and I like the way the shadows fall on the buildings.
J looks ever the young professional in her flat pumps while I'm casual to the core. My legs seem so tanned next to hers, girl you ought to go catch some more sun yarr.
The interviewer girls turned camerawhores!
Sun setting by the riverside promenade.
XT caught redhanded with her sexy bottom.
Jaded geezer chilling out on his trishaw.
J and I were eating our subway lunches by the greens when we were approached for an interview by saatchi & saatchi guys. We can't help noticing the young dude handling the camera who looks like utt, and he's friendly in a shy way too.
Central business district, and I like the way the shadows fall on the buildings.
J looks ever the young professional in her flat pumps while I'm casual to the core. My legs seem so tanned next to hers, girl you ought to go catch some more sun yarr.
The interviewer girls turned camerawhores!
Sun setting by the riverside promenade.
XT caught redhanded with her sexy bottom.
Jaded geezer chilling out on his trishaw.
Friday, July 29, 2005
From Sarong party girl:
I had a little talk with some people over coffee yesterday, and one of the girls basically looked at me a little condescendingly and said it like I must be a completely weirdo and slut to consider every romantic, sexual conquest as an experience that has made me the person I am today [...]
Is virginity/ celibacy all that worth it? I think not. Sex with all those people I had slept with before doesn’t make me enjoy sex less with the people I really like. When you do it out of pure physical desire and emotion, out of an unadulterated want for the other person, sex stays pure. It’s when you start doing it to make yourself feel better, or specifically so you can get something materially tangible out of it that it starts to get bad. It’s just like how reading trashy chick-lit doesn’t stop be from enjoying something like The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I enjoy them both of course, but knowing the clear difference in quality doesn’t become an impossibility because my mind has been numbed by the other bits of trash that I’ve read and secretly enjoyed.
Oh the other hand, if you’ve never slept with at least a few people in your life, and you eventually marry someone out of insecurity (because you’ve never really experienced being wanted by anyone else), then you’ll just lead a half-assed romantic life for the rest of your life. Somehow it’s alright, because what you don’t know won’t hurt you. But I don’t think that’s true when it comes to romance. It’s biologically hardwired in people to require that their special other WANTS them. And at what level of want is necessary in order to stay sane in the relationship. And it’s a pity some people never have that.
And the other thing I realized was that it’s just a hell lot easier to defend being a virgin then to structure personal introspection into rational thought in order to get why you aren’t a virgin and am glad you are not (note, not proud, glad.) one to conventional Singaporean society. Either choice is not bad or good, it’s what you want at the end of the day that really matters. Choosing freely to preserve your virginity in this day and age takes as much confidence, courage and independence as choosing to sleep with who you want to when you wish. Both require independence from the opinions of the people that do not matter, and the confidence to live life how you really believe it should be led.
It’s the people that struggle to remain virgins, or sleep around to assuage their insecurities that make people on either end of the spectrum look at the other people on the other end with disdain and contempt. Pity, because the truth is, we’re both the same inside; we’re both choosing to live life how we believe it should be led.
It does make hell lot more sense than you think.
I had a little talk with some people over coffee yesterday, and one of the girls basically looked at me a little condescendingly and said it like I must be a completely weirdo and slut to consider every romantic, sexual conquest as an experience that has made me the person I am today [...]
Is virginity/ celibacy all that worth it? I think not. Sex with all those people I had slept with before doesn’t make me enjoy sex less with the people I really like. When you do it out of pure physical desire and emotion, out of an unadulterated want for the other person, sex stays pure. It’s when you start doing it to make yourself feel better, or specifically so you can get something materially tangible out of it that it starts to get bad. It’s just like how reading trashy chick-lit doesn’t stop be from enjoying something like The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I enjoy them both of course, but knowing the clear difference in quality doesn’t become an impossibility because my mind has been numbed by the other bits of trash that I’ve read and secretly enjoyed.
Oh the other hand, if you’ve never slept with at least a few people in your life, and you eventually marry someone out of insecurity (because you’ve never really experienced being wanted by anyone else), then you’ll just lead a half-assed romantic life for the rest of your life. Somehow it’s alright, because what you don’t know won’t hurt you. But I don’t think that’s true when it comes to romance. It’s biologically hardwired in people to require that their special other WANTS them. And at what level of want is necessary in order to stay sane in the relationship. And it’s a pity some people never have that.
And the other thing I realized was that it’s just a hell lot easier to defend being a virgin then to structure personal introspection into rational thought in order to get why you aren’t a virgin and am glad you are not (note, not proud, glad.) one to conventional Singaporean society. Either choice is not bad or good, it’s what you want at the end of the day that really matters. Choosing freely to preserve your virginity in this day and age takes as much confidence, courage and independence as choosing to sleep with who you want to when you wish. Both require independence from the opinions of the people that do not matter, and the confidence to live life how you really believe it should be led.
It’s the people that struggle to remain virgins, or sleep around to assuage their insecurities that make people on either end of the spectrum look at the other people on the other end with disdain and contempt. Pity, because the truth is, we’re both the same inside; we’re both choosing to live life how we believe it should be led.
It does make hell lot more sense than you think.
Pause.
My recent travels is, without a doubt, still eating me up inside out today. What good would a fleeting glimpse do when it can only remind unceasingly of the dire environment I still lay trapped in?
My recent travels is, without a doubt, still eating me up inside out today. What good would a fleeting glimpse do when it can only remind unceasingly of the dire environment I still lay trapped in?
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Seconds.
I.
We probably could have never met again. Haphazard emails and a foreign cellphone number he couldn't remember might have resulted in no second encounter, no way to find out if we will just be friends or anything else.
II.
Only an hour to spare plus a shopping mall neither of us is familiar with make for plenty of futile waits and searches for public phone booths. There being two mcdonald's in the area, he was at one while I was at another.
III.
All the near-misses merely magnify the randomness of how our paths had crossed in this strange city, a second chance. Half an hour had passed. So glad that when I finally found him we hugged tightly, amid strangers on the street.
I.
We probably could have never met again. Haphazard emails and a foreign cellphone number he couldn't remember might have resulted in no second encounter, no way to find out if we will just be friends or anything else.
II.
Only an hour to spare plus a shopping mall neither of us is familiar with make for plenty of futile waits and searches for public phone booths. There being two mcdonald's in the area, he was at one while I was at another.
III.
All the near-misses merely magnify the randomness of how our paths had crossed in this strange city, a second chance. Half an hour had passed. So glad that when I finally found him we hugged tightly, amid strangers on the street.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Firsts.
I.
Boyish-cute with a crooked grin that makes him even the more desirable, I didn't even know he exists, until he tapped me on the shoulder from behind. He had noticed me first.
II.
The first time I heard him speak was in a crowded, noisy club. "Where do you come from?" he asked as he leaned over closer to my ear. He, who was clad in a blue-striped polo tee, collar upturned and a single ear stud.
III.
He was alone, turned out his friends had left earlier. I like seeing him dance, because he could dance really well (and he knows it). Later, we held hands for the first time, two foreigners weaving through the crowd.
I.
Boyish-cute with a crooked grin that makes him even the more desirable, I didn't even know he exists, until he tapped me on the shoulder from behind. He had noticed me first.
II.
The first time I heard him speak was in a crowded, noisy club. "Where do you come from?" he asked as he leaned over closer to my ear. He, who was clad in a blue-striped polo tee, collar upturned and a single ear stud.
III.
He was alone, turned out his friends had left earlier. I like seeing him dance, because he could dance really well (and he knows it). Later, we held hands for the first time, two foreigners weaving through the crowd.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Experiencing interviewer fatigue.
When our superiors said "own time, own target", they never meant to be taken so literally as XT and I have been doing these days since I came back. It certainly is helpful that the current batch of bank clients are hard to contact, have snotty secretaries or are in long meetings all day. I had lunch at 12pm, then had a second lunch at about 3pm. It probably does hold truth to how some people say food can be good solace to a demoralized soul (who was rejected all day). Later, just after work and before heading home for dinner, us three girls ended up at a sushi bar knowing very well I had not worked hard enough to deserve my delightful plate of salmon sashimi. I reached home, barely an hour after, and hungry. I do need to curb this insatiable appetite indeed.
Fooling around in the washroom, reminiscencing those suntanning days.
1 + 2.
2 + 3.
When our superiors said "own time, own target", they never meant to be taken so literally as XT and I have been doing these days since I came back. It certainly is helpful that the current batch of bank clients are hard to contact, have snotty secretaries or are in long meetings all day. I had lunch at 12pm, then had a second lunch at about 3pm. It probably does hold truth to how some people say food can be good solace to a demoralized soul (who was rejected all day). Later, just after work and before heading home for dinner, us three girls ended up at a sushi bar knowing very well I had not worked hard enough to deserve my delightful plate of salmon sashimi. I reached home, barely an hour after, and hungry. I do need to curb this insatiable appetite indeed.
Fooling around in the washroom, reminiscencing those suntanning days.
1 + 2.
2 + 3.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Live from hogwarts.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Trying to relive those days.
No one can look bad in a deel, really.
No one can look bad in a deel, really.
And so the FGPs have (somewhat) graduated.
A decent shot, please.
Back to usual FOS selves.
A decent shot, please.
Back to usual FOS selves.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
We love it being fooled.
Everyone says it wouldn't work out. I say it only won't because of the circumstances that encircle us; such that permit us to meet but not to last. I guess I won't ever know for sure, and I'm not sure if I want to. Yet with each passing day, I can't help but find out more. You miss me but you don't love me, do you? Truth is, we barely know each other well enough to love.
Everyone says it wouldn't work out. I say it only won't because of the circumstances that encircle us; such that permit us to meet but not to last. I guess I won't ever know for sure, and I'm not sure if I want to. Yet with each passing day, I can't help but find out more. You miss me but you don't love me, do you? Truth is, we barely know each other well enough to love.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
One day my maos will become your maos.
Monday, July 18, 2005
A short pop over to grandma's.
Once again, the dull KL landscape upon arrival.
Who can resist delicious wanton mee, dumplings and homemade barley water in chinatown?
We love grandma!
Once again, the dull KL landscape upon arrival.
Who can resist delicious wanton mee, dumplings and homemade barley water in chinatown?
We love grandma!
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Troubled youth, we are.
My brother approximately 8530km away thinks he is hiv-positive, as I battle problems of a different nature here. Life is so full of ups and downs, we barely can anticipate what comes next. Perhaps that is the only reason why, we all look forward to it.
P.s. Apologies for the lack of my promised backpacking narratives/ pictorials. Soon, hopefully.
My brother approximately 8530km away thinks he is hiv-positive, as I battle problems of a different nature here. Life is so full of ups and downs, we barely can anticipate what comes next. Perhaps that is the only reason why, we all look forward to it.
P.s. Apologies for the lack of my promised backpacking narratives/ pictorials. Soon, hopefully.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Recount, the final leg.
I reached HK knowing I never wanted to leave beijing at all if I could help it.
I hated HK, less the lovely family friend who had put us up at her apartment and made us feel at home. Not that I wasn't much of a shopping girl. The shopping paradise moniker seemed overexaggerated, either that or I wasn't in the right districts.
Putting aside all reasons for not wanting to leave beijing, HK is still too crowded, too.. alright, I can't exactly put my finger onto something concrete. I almost missed my flight back and left HK in a hurry I never expected, but thank god for the brilliant cathay staff who put me back on. I just will refuse to return to the place, unless absolutely necessary in the near future.
Yesterday I came upon a dog-eared version of The heart is a lonely hunter in the neighborhood mall near my grandma's place - the book talked about in a movie I'd watched on board the flight home. I had to get it, read for myself the novel written by the author when she was but 23 too.
I reached HK knowing I never wanted to leave beijing at all if I could help it.
I hated HK, less the lovely family friend who had put us up at her apartment and made us feel at home. Not that I wasn't much of a shopping girl. The shopping paradise moniker seemed overexaggerated, either that or I wasn't in the right districts.
Putting aside all reasons for not wanting to leave beijing, HK is still too crowded, too.. alright, I can't exactly put my finger onto something concrete. I almost missed my flight back and left HK in a hurry I never expected, but thank god for the brilliant cathay staff who put me back on. I just will refuse to return to the place, unless absolutely necessary in the near future.
Yesterday I came upon a dog-eared version of The heart is a lonely hunter in the neighborhood mall near my grandma's place - the book talked about in a movie I'd watched on board the flight home. I had to get it, read for myself the novel written by the author when she was but 23 too.
Not in town now.
Away in a foreign land till Friday morning, this time closer to home and surrounded by family, instead of strangers in a 10-bed hostel room.
I more than miss those days indeed. Baby, lock me up in beijing, anytime.
Away in a foreign land till Friday morning, this time closer to home and surrounded by family, instead of strangers in a 10-bed hostel room.
I more than miss those days indeed. Baby, lock me up in beijing, anytime.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Parting is hardly sweet sorrow.
So much has happened. I don't even know where to start.
So much has happened. I don't even know where to start.
