Friday, October 29, 2004
The Inescapable Us.
Blame myself for inaction or for respecting your choices/your ambitions too much? Blame you for inaction or for choosing to hurt me over her? No use playing blaming games. Apologies don't do much.
That you have just told me, I can only convince myself they are but inevitabilities by enshrouding in depths of inferiority.
It's not about being misleading, or anywhere remotely close, but that which sadden me the most are those what if's and how I had an incriminating hand in all of these. You may not have lost me (I'm still here) but I think I already have lost you.
Update: Previous times I probably would have agreed wit you, but this time it ain't all drama like what you think.
Blame myself for inaction or for respecting your choices/your ambitions too much? Blame you for inaction or for choosing to hurt me over her? No use playing blaming games. Apologies don't do much.
That you have just told me, I can only convince myself they are but inevitabilities by enshrouding in depths of inferiority.
It's not about being misleading, or anywhere remotely close, but that which sadden me the most are those what if's and how I had an incriminating hand in all of these. You may not have lost me (I'm still here) but I think I already have lost you.
Update: Previous times I probably would have agreed wit you, but this time it ain't all drama like what you think.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Sometimes you wonder why your customers don't come back.
The past week has proven to be rather tumultuous in every aspect; and I'm glad things have been resolved somewhat and I feel more at peace with myself. For some matters, it really doesn't hurt to take a step back. I hope I'll be able to walk this talk.
Anyway we had a simple lunch wit J at a serene centre restaurant because she turns twenty-two today! Unfortunately for her, the waiter had stolen the show. Waiter of the year has a consistently deadpan expression, doesn't know he is funny and never once spots the irony of the situation. As J tried to order steak, he seemed so hesitant about her order that she couldn't help but ask what was wrong.
"I don't think the beef is very fresh."
We stared at him in disbelief. That was an extremely candid opinion.
"Don't order the salads, you can see the leaves are yellowing at the edges."
Amused, we asked him for recommendations; which menu items are actually fresh.
"Actually all their ingredients are not fresh."
Nothing can beat that reply. All of us, except for B, decided to just stick to coffees instead.
The past week has proven to be rather tumultuous in every aspect; and I'm glad things have been resolved somewhat and I feel more at peace with myself. For some matters, it really doesn't hurt to take a step back. I hope I'll be able to walk this talk.
Anyway we had a simple lunch wit J at a serene centre restaurant because she turns twenty-two today! Unfortunately for her, the waiter had stolen the show. Waiter of the year has a consistently deadpan expression, doesn't know he is funny and never once spots the irony of the situation. As J tried to order steak, he seemed so hesitant about her order that she couldn't help but ask what was wrong.
"I don't think the beef is very fresh."
We stared at him in disbelief. That was an extremely candid opinion.
"Don't order the salads, you can see the leaves are yellowing at the edges."
Amused, we asked him for recommendations; which menu items are actually fresh.
"Actually all their ingredients are not fresh."
Nothing can beat that reply. All of us, except for B, decided to just stick to coffees instead.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
The overnight sore throat
For the whole of yesterday, I felt a nagging pain in my throat and so gulped gallons of water in the hope that I could perhaps prevent an imminent sore throat. I didn't succeed, but the good thing was it was gone by the time I woke up today. Suspicious of the speedy recovery, I am still drinking (water) like a cow. Hehe, not much of a risk taker apparently.
For the whole of yesterday, I felt a nagging pain in my throat and so gulped gallons of water in the hope that I could perhaps prevent an imminent sore throat. I didn't succeed, but the good thing was it was gone by the time I woke up today. Suspicious of the speedy recovery, I am still drinking (water) like a cow. Hehe, not much of a risk taker apparently.
No one listens to serious radio in the mornings.
At first I thought I could just say whatever I like. Then it dawned on me that everyone, especially my school, has gotten rather excited over the event. Wit all these expectations, well now I better (prepare, and) hope I won't disappoint.
At first I thought I could just say whatever I like. Then it dawned on me that everyone, especially my school, has gotten rather excited over the event. Wit all these expectations, well now I better (prepare, and) hope I won't disappoint.
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Denial is a disease.
of false hopes to build
plastic dreams. capitalizing
on delusions
Perhaps that's the way it is, not
ever meant (for us) to be
Better to accept these facts. Let go.
of runaway thoughts
that only make you sojourn
in sadness.
of false hopes to build
plastic dreams. capitalizing
on delusions
Perhaps that's the way it is, not
ever meant (for us) to be
Better to accept these facts. Let go.
of runaway thoughts
that only make you sojourn
in sadness.
In my mailbox today, spam in poetry-form addressed to a tempie shellie!
hurt silence commit book after fixed head, allow summer arm exciting looks
grabbed school goes forth school tea distance trying loved life understand,
fond practically wont morning man, perform turned shoulder pity seven excellent
boy nobody several table, condition case before fill lying wrong delicious month
road mothers. plan opened quickly occurring friends myself. church consider
accommodate secret joy build!
arctic absent studying closed exactly list quite, looks loved every voice course
sweet, rain favorite restaurant thing lot
loose medicine stood war. hands clothes order rain? guilty past youth pass tough
shall leaving, down dark read complete stop. humorous considered against
confidence.
cast hand added among program instead they poison aware arms apologize during
watch left spoke in. keep carefully journey single leave cheat, scare suddenly
honest humorous committee crying round" sweet you lesson understand blew justice
arrived giving dead sight?
hurt silence commit book after fixed head, allow summer arm exciting looks
grabbed school goes forth school tea distance trying loved life understand,
fond practically wont morning man, perform turned shoulder pity seven excellent
boy nobody several table, condition case before fill lying wrong delicious month
road mothers. plan opened quickly occurring friends myself. church consider
accommodate secret joy build!
arctic absent studying closed exactly list quite, looks loved every voice course
sweet, rain favorite restaurant thing lot
loose medicine stood war. hands clothes order rain? guilty past youth pass tough
shall leaving, down dark read complete stop. humorous considered against
confidence.
cast hand added among program instead they poison aware arms apologize during
watch left spoke in. keep carefully journey single leave cheat, scare suddenly
honest humorous committee crying round" sweet you lesson understand blew justice
arrived giving dead sight?
Monday, October 25, 2004
Mom.
Yesterday, mom threw away this empty 1.5-litre mineral water bottle I'd been keeping since 21 march this year. The previous coupla times she had attempted to do so were matched with violent protests from me. This time I'd relented without much commotion. Maybe it's a better thing because I don't think I would be able to bring myself to throw it away on my own; that empty bottle perhaps being the sore physical reminder that her daughter had yet to let go of the past. In doing so, I think it does make her feel relieved/ better. The least I could do since I haven't been the best daughter all this while. While I'm on a sappy topic I might as well come clean on the fact that I haven't hug my mom since I was a kid, that is, until the mar incident where we hugged/ both cried and she told me to be strong because it pained her to see me in such a bad shape. Considering that my family is typically asian and physical acts of care concern aren't usually openly expressed, that was probably the only time in recent history I felt the emotions of the mom-child bonding.
Yesterday, mom threw away this empty 1.5-litre mineral water bottle I'd been keeping since 21 march this year. The previous coupla times she had attempted to do so were matched with violent protests from me. This time I'd relented without much commotion. Maybe it's a better thing because I don't think I would be able to bring myself to throw it away on my own; that empty bottle perhaps being the sore physical reminder that her daughter had yet to let go of the past. In doing so, I think it does make her feel relieved/ better. The least I could do since I haven't been the best daughter all this while. While I'm on a sappy topic I might as well come clean on the fact that I haven't hug my mom since I was a kid, that is, until the mar incident where we hugged/ both cried and she told me to be strong because it pained her to see me in such a bad shape. Considering that my family is typically asian and physical acts of care concern aren't usually openly expressed, that was probably the only time in recent history I felt the emotions of the mom-child bonding.
Bad weekend, my fault.
The annual UN day dinner on Friday went rather well, the Bhavan kids put up a great traditional dance sequence, hilarious at times when we noticed the boys all had funny painted moustaches and a poor boy's hasty costume change resulted in his pants falling off in front of respectable members of the business/ diplomatic community. It was a boo-boo, but one that got all the guests laughing because it was so cute. Glad I didn't screw up in my assigned role as chief usher but can't comment likewise on the rest of the night, in the post-event celebrations. It was ironical how the event left me feeling good and bad in the days after. The bitter aftertaste lingers on; can't blame no one but myself. And as previously mentioned in a recent post, indeed the intensity of the bad is much more overpowering than the good.
The annual UN day dinner on Friday went rather well, the Bhavan kids put up a great traditional dance sequence, hilarious at times when we noticed the boys all had funny painted moustaches and a poor boy's hasty costume change resulted in his pants falling off in front of respectable members of the business/ diplomatic community. It was a boo-boo, but one that got all the guests laughing because it was so cute. Glad I didn't screw up in my assigned role as chief usher but can't comment likewise on the rest of the night, in the post-event celebrations. It was ironical how the event left me feeling good and bad in the days after. The bitter aftertaste lingers on; can't blame no one but myself. And as previously mentioned in a recent post, indeed the intensity of the bad is much more overpowering than the good.
They say you reap wot you'd failed to sow.
I have just reached home from school on a sunday night via the last bus, probably going to reap the rewards of relaxation-overdose (for the past months) in the coming weeks. Tomorrow/ the day after, I am most likely to be camping over in school (wit two groupmates) in view of a wednesday deadline for my american studies paper.
I have just reached home from school on a sunday night via the last bus, probably going to reap the rewards of relaxation-overdose (for the past months) in the coming weeks. Tomorrow/ the day after, I am most likely to be camping over in school (wit two groupmates) in view of a wednesday deadline for my american studies paper.
Friday, October 22, 2004
Caution: to be consumed in recommended dosage only
I'd met up with N twice this week, extremely plentiful considering we usually do not meet for months on end. It is rather nice to note that I do enjoy his company in real life, not any less than that across the phone line. And boy, what an appetite you've got, and all those silly comments too!
I'd met up with N twice this week, extremely plentiful considering we usually do not meet for months on end. It is rather nice to note that I do enjoy his company in real life, not any less than that across the phone line. And boy, what an appetite you've got, and all those silly comments too!
From Scientific American.com:
But we know from the research of Nobelist psychologist Daniel Kahneman of Princeton University and his late colleague Amos Tversky of Standford that losses (in this case, opportunity costs) have a much greater psychological impact than gains. Losses make us hurt more than gains make us feel good.
So that makes us all innate pessimists, in a way. Our subconscious dictates that the effects of failures and losses turn out to be more magnified when compared to relatively happy joyous moments. Just like how even though I do feel great after an enjoyable night-out, that feeling can never compare to the sense of pain I still feel today from losing a friend to sudden cardiac arrhythmia seven months ago. To be frank, I believe the intensity of this pain will still remain, for years to come.
Regret may be one reason for our aversion to losses. Have you ever bought an expensive pair of shoes only to discover that they are so uncomfortable that you cannot wear them for more than 10 minutes without hobbling? Did you toss them out, or are they still sitting in the back of your closet? Chances are you had a hard time throwing them away. Having bought the shoes, you incurred an actual, or "sunk," cost, and you are going to keep them around in the hope that eventually you will get your money's worth out of them. To give the shoes away or throw them out would force you to acknowledge a mistake - a loss.
Interesting analysis of the psychological frame of mind behind our actions, everything appears to fall into place. Especially that pair of barely-worn heels shelved in my shoe cupboard.
A phenomenon called adaptation also contributes to the fallout we face from too many choices. Simply put, we get used to things, and as a result, very little in life turns out quite as good as we expect it to be. After much anguish, you might decide to buy a Lexus and then try to put all the attractions out of your mind. But once you are driving your new car, adaptation begins, and the experience falls just a little bit flat. You are hit with a double whammy - regret about what you did not choose and disappointment with what you did, even if your final decision was not bad.
I've been experiencing adaptation all while without knowing it is termed adaptation. Moreover, I have to add that the impact of adaptation can be very much worsened by the existence of plenty of choices and insufficient resources. The double whammy could hurt three-fold instead.
Alex C. Michalos of the University of Northern British Columbia has pointed out that all our evaluations of the things we do and buy depend on comparison - to past experiences to what we were hoping for, and to what we expected.
Other aspects of life also work on this same basis too. Our judgements and evaluations of other people's behaviors; how we impose moral values onto people's actions without realizing so. In the end, there is no wrong because all standards are but man-made devices that we've succumbed to and we should evaluate less, if possible, so that we can be happier beings.
This is an interesting read that's surprisingly close to heart. Enjoyable assigned reading, finally, a reality.
But we know from the research of Nobelist psychologist Daniel Kahneman of Princeton University and his late colleague Amos Tversky of Standford that losses (in this case, opportunity costs) have a much greater psychological impact than gains. Losses make us hurt more than gains make us feel good.
So that makes us all innate pessimists, in a way. Our subconscious dictates that the effects of failures and losses turn out to be more magnified when compared to relatively happy joyous moments. Just like how even though I do feel great after an enjoyable night-out, that feeling can never compare to the sense of pain I still feel today from losing a friend to sudden cardiac arrhythmia seven months ago. To be frank, I believe the intensity of this pain will still remain, for years to come.
Regret may be one reason for our aversion to losses. Have you ever bought an expensive pair of shoes only to discover that they are so uncomfortable that you cannot wear them for more than 10 minutes without hobbling? Did you toss them out, or are they still sitting in the back of your closet? Chances are you had a hard time throwing them away. Having bought the shoes, you incurred an actual, or "sunk," cost, and you are going to keep them around in the hope that eventually you will get your money's worth out of them. To give the shoes away or throw them out would force you to acknowledge a mistake - a loss.
Interesting analysis of the psychological frame of mind behind our actions, everything appears to fall into place. Especially that pair of barely-worn heels shelved in my shoe cupboard.
A phenomenon called adaptation also contributes to the fallout we face from too many choices. Simply put, we get used to things, and as a result, very little in life turns out quite as good as we expect it to be. After much anguish, you might decide to buy a Lexus and then try to put all the attractions out of your mind. But once you are driving your new car, adaptation begins, and the experience falls just a little bit flat. You are hit with a double whammy - regret about what you did not choose and disappointment with what you did, even if your final decision was not bad.
I've been experiencing adaptation all while without knowing it is termed adaptation. Moreover, I have to add that the impact of adaptation can be very much worsened by the existence of plenty of choices and insufficient resources. The double whammy could hurt three-fold instead.
Alex C. Michalos of the University of Northern British Columbia has pointed out that all our evaluations of the things we do and buy depend on comparison - to past experiences to what we were hoping for, and to what we expected.
Other aspects of life also work on this same basis too. Our judgements and evaluations of other people's behaviors; how we impose moral values onto people's actions without realizing so. In the end, there is no wrong because all standards are but man-made devices that we've succumbed to and we should evaluate less, if possible, so that we can be happier beings.
This is an interesting read that's surprisingly close to heart. Enjoyable assigned reading, finally, a reality.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
From TODAYonline.com:
Yesterday, Mr Yeo took a spin in a motorboat while 150 canoeists took to the waters to mark the official launch of watersports at Bedok Reservoir, which will play host to the World Wakeboarding Championships this week.
In a never-anticipated turn of events, my neighborhood is finally inching a little closer to being hip. Period.
Yesterday, Mr Yeo took a spin in a motorboat while 150 canoeists took to the waters to mark the official launch of watersports at Bedok Reservoir, which will play host to the World Wakeboarding Championships this week.
In a never-anticipated turn of events, my neighborhood is finally inching a little closer to being hip. Period.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Memories. More bitter than sweet.
You have all but faded into the dusk.
What can we do with memories -
store them neatly in small
dark crevices of our minds,
or take them out from time to time
to remind ourselves of happy
times spent silly moments then?
In the quiet nights or lonesome journeys on the bus
I think of you sometimes.
such are the
memories of memories
brimming with tears. everytime
because none of us can turn back time
or change the way things had happened that
afternoon
when you laid there lifeless on that field.
and left everything everyone behind. Your dreams.
your aspirations, too.
You have all but faded into the dusk.
What can we do with memories -
store them neatly in small
dark crevices of our minds,
or take them out from time to time
to remind ourselves of happy
times spent silly moments then?
In the quiet nights or lonesome journeys on the bus
I think of you sometimes.
such are the
memories of memories
brimming with tears. everytime
because none of us can turn back time
or change the way things had happened that
afternoon
when you laid there lifeless on that field.
and left everything everyone behind. Your dreams.
your aspirations, too.
Will we ever get tired of it all one day?
Our conversations are bouncing off unanticipated dicussions in so many directions that it is rather overwhelming and raw at times. Like last night. The things N suggest, the possibilities of various perspectives, our different daily experiences, just chatter... all good. What's bad, friends around me who think I'm always on the mobile, wondering how it is possible that N and I seem to have so many things to talk about. In other news, mom is in a nasty mood today, wish I could say I'm not the cause of it but my stubbornness does have quite alot to do wit it; it is also not helpful that the two of us are equally headstrong.
Our conversations are bouncing off unanticipated dicussions in so many directions that it is rather overwhelming and raw at times. Like last night. The things N suggest, the possibilities of various perspectives, our different daily experiences, just chatter... all good. What's bad, friends around me who think I'm always on the mobile, wondering how it is possible that N and I seem to have so many things to talk about. In other news, mom is in a nasty mood today, wish I could say I'm not the cause of it but my stubbornness does have quite alot to do wit it; it is also not helpful that the two of us are equally headstrong.
On Islam.
The fast of the Ramadan has started these coupla days, exactly which, depends on your specific geographical location though. Frankly, I'd not supposed I'll make a good muslim if I am one. My faith persistence endurance probably can't lead me far into the month I am sure. Then again, there has not been any cause for me to test my limits in that kind of way. Personally I have a lot of respect for Islam; in my opinion I see Islam as a religion that is standing strong against the test of time/ events without fancy revamped teaching methodologies, that does not impose on other faiths and unites those who practise it. Kudos to all my muslim friends. It is certainly unfortunate that the said religion and strive for power got so tied up in recent years, inducing turbulent waves of mistaken negative publicity. A shame, that is.
The fast of the Ramadan has started these coupla days, exactly which, depends on your specific geographical location though. Frankly, I'd not supposed I'll make a good muslim if I am one. My faith persistence endurance probably can't lead me far into the month I am sure. Then again, there has not been any cause for me to test my limits in that kind of way. Personally I have a lot of respect for Islam; in my opinion I see Islam as a religion that is standing strong against the test of time/ events without fancy revamped teaching methodologies, that does not impose on other faiths and unites those who practise it. Kudos to all my muslim friends. It is certainly unfortunate that the said religion and strive for power got so tied up in recent years, inducing turbulent waves of mistaken negative publicity. A shame, that is.
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Got lucky.
After this morning's unfortunate run-in with my professor, things fortunately took a turn for the better. For the first time in years, I won some prize in a lucky draw during the faculty dinner in the evening. I was the least expectant among my friends, I didn't even have my draw coupon ready when my number was called out. Chilling out at Indochine later, the gift-wrapped prize that was peeping out from the tote bag caused some accidental chatting up with some (probably half-pissed) stranger who thought I was lucky and wanted me to rub off some of my (supposed) good luck on him. We had gone there for the live music, and true enough, the band didn't let us down; those dudes played some songs we love while the lead singer smiled/sang in our direction for a bit. We will be back for more sometime soon, we hope.
After this morning's unfortunate run-in with my professor, things fortunately took a turn for the better. For the first time in years, I won some prize in a lucky draw during the faculty dinner in the evening. I was the least expectant among my friends, I didn't even have my draw coupon ready when my number was called out. Chilling out at Indochine later, the gift-wrapped prize that was peeping out from the tote bag caused some accidental chatting up with some (probably half-pissed) stranger who thought I was lucky and wanted me to rub off some of my (supposed) good luck on him. We had gone there for the live music, and true enough, the band didn't let us down; those dudes played some songs we love while the lead singer smiled/sang in our direction for a bit. We will be back for more sometime soon, we hope.
Friday, October 15, 2004
Final scoreline 7-2
We played (we won) in a friendly with some MWM students today, cracking rampant jokes about flicking frisbees that come wit Cvs attached discreetly beneath. It was slightly amusing to see grown men slide slip miss a catch and fall, yet picked themselves up within two seconds - way too reserved, too polite. Mr black adidas shorts did not run much while mr bright orange jersey was highly enthusiastic both in and out of the game, trying to hardsell the leading audit firm he is from to the few accounting undergrads around. After all had ended and hands had been shaken, it was easy to see which were the undergrads and which, the postgrads. The undergrads scuttled to the bathrooms (for a quick shower rather than to cause distress to busloads of public commuters) as the postgrads strolled to their cars, with homes likely just minutes away.
We played (we won) in a friendly with some MWM students today, cracking rampant jokes about flicking frisbees that come wit Cvs attached discreetly beneath. It was slightly amusing to see grown men slide slip miss a catch and fall, yet picked themselves up within two seconds - way too reserved, too polite. Mr black adidas shorts did not run much while mr bright orange jersey was highly enthusiastic both in and out of the game, trying to hardsell the leading audit firm he is from to the few accounting undergrads around. After all had ended and hands had been shaken, it was easy to see which were the undergrads and which, the postgrads. The undergrads scuttled to the bathrooms (for a quick shower rather than to cause distress to busloads of public commuters) as the postgrads strolled to their cars, with homes likely just minutes away.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Corridor.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
The swan is yet another reality tv series banking on the same ingenuity as Extreme makeover. The entire concept is sick and sad, banking on women's insecurities. Only this time it's ten times worse with a Brit-accented host who finds no qualms in exclaiming "My, tell me what's going on beneath this pretty head?" after the transformed female sees herself in the mirror for the first time in a month. Dozens of therapists, plastic surgeons cooed, shed tears of joy (?!) and made remarks like "Her rhinoplasty - Totally awesome!" As if plastic surgery is no more than a fun ride at the local amusement park. We see this whole new societal phenomenon whereby plastic surgery is glamorized like never before. Previously plastic surgery was a hushed up affair: Go for a long vacation, stay at the rehab till all the wounds have healed, then reappear in style. Now, we are able to view the gory surgical procedures and slow healing process in the comfort of our living rooms, with bags of chips in hand.
A further acceptance of plastic surgery as a way of life (as a viable option), I don't see this any less different from the pre-implantation genetic diagnosis applications in bioscience where man is dubbed to be playing god. In The swan, an element of competition is introduced as these transformed beauties are pitted against one another to win the ultimate pageant, thus regaining their self-confidence and sense of self-worth in the process. Today, the media not only feeds us its defined standards of beauty but also demonstrates how we should go about acquiring it if we are, unfortunately, not born with it. It nauseates me to see the women wallowing in self-pity before their surgical procedures. Come on, get real and cut the tears. It isn't half as bad as you made it out to be.
A further acceptance of plastic surgery as a way of life (as a viable option), I don't see this any less different from the pre-implantation genetic diagnosis applications in bioscience where man is dubbed to be playing god. In The swan, an element of competition is introduced as these transformed beauties are pitted against one another to win the ultimate pageant, thus regaining their self-confidence and sense of self-worth in the process. Today, the media not only feeds us its defined standards of beauty but also demonstrates how we should go about acquiring it if we are, unfortunately, not born with it. It nauseates me to see the women wallowing in self-pity before their surgical procedures. Come on, get real and cut the tears. It isn't half as bad as you made it out to be.
Monday, October 11, 2004
Only a trainride away.
Over the weekend, I was away in a small town across the causeway for a class field trip. In the sweltering malaysian heat, we visited fruit and oil palm plantations in a bid to, err, better understand the agricultural aspects of the life science industry. There's no post-trip report due and we've got plenty of r&r time, so it is pretty much a relaxing getaway from city life for 120ish students. The hotel we stayed in is the only tall building around the area at 14 storeys, and it wasn't half as bad as professor had made it out to be. We were spoilt silly with the fabulous food - the rustic beef rendang, durians and hotel buffet dinner, complete with spit roasted whole lamb. Dinner was accompanied by a professor-arranged, reluctantly-attendedkaraoke session community singing session supposedly to boost comradarie and class bonding. Surely so, when the exchange students from korea belted out the theme song from a korean love comedy that got all the girls gushing about. Karaoke aside, I haven't forgotten important stuff like integrated pest management (Ipms) and that industry standards dictate exactly 136 oil palm trees are grown per hectare to convince mom this was truly one educational experience. Indeed she wasn't, haha.
Over the weekend, I was away in a small town across the causeway for a class field trip. In the sweltering malaysian heat, we visited fruit and oil palm plantations in a bid to, err, better understand the agricultural aspects of the life science industry. There's no post-trip report due and we've got plenty of r&r time, so it is pretty much a relaxing getaway from city life for 120ish students. The hotel we stayed in is the only tall building around the area at 14 storeys, and it wasn't half as bad as professor had made it out to be. We were spoilt silly with the fabulous food - the rustic beef rendang, durians and hotel buffet dinner, complete with spit roasted whole lamb. Dinner was accompanied by a professor-arranged, reluctantly-attended
Certain types (non-exhaustive)
As the corporate world treads closer, recent experiences have revealed unpleasant realizations about the modes of business relations.
Type 1. The kind I know of and have learnt of through my internships. I love these. Lines get fuzzy where work and friendship are concerned, but things do get done and the corporate environment is one which you look forward to every single darn morning. Something that's easy to say, hard to practise. It's tough to describe the feeling, somewhat like a feel-good glow from within, I'm just glad I've had the opportunity to feel that way during my internships.
Type 2. Also via internships, these are hi-bye folks who happen to work in your same firm. Other than some polite greetings or queries from time to time, we don't have much to do with one another because, either we don't hang out with the same crowd at lunchtimes or we are handling different aspects of the work processes that do not require much interaction. This, I have much accepted to be one of the inevitabilities in working life.
Type 3. People who are all out to destroy you. Relations to talk of, are likely non-existent. Do not need much elaboration. Stay away from them if possible, but if they are already part of Type 3 they probably know of your existence already and you know nothing thrills them more than to see you down and out. I have unfortunately (perhaps fortunate since the worst cases are those who crush you anonymously behind the scenes) come across some of these in my short working experiences, ironically in a school even. For now I am the unruly greenhorn and will stand against them if they cross my path again. Gimme coupla years down the road, I hope I still have the balls and principles. Thou shalt not retreat.
Type 4. This I just found out, how working relationships remain just working relationships. Note that this is different from Type 2 as these people have to work together, whether they like it or not (in my case, not), and are forced to engage in superficially chummy relationships. Not that I want things to move in any possible direction, but this is a group of people together solely for the sake of business, to make money. Most times, I probably don't have anything in common with them and wouldn't want anything to do with them if not for the temporal business association. I feel like a hypocrite.
As the corporate world treads closer, recent experiences have revealed unpleasant realizations about the modes of business relations.
Type 1. The kind I know of and have learnt of through my internships. I love these. Lines get fuzzy where work and friendship are concerned, but things do get done and the corporate environment is one which you look forward to every single darn morning. Something that's easy to say, hard to practise. It's tough to describe the feeling, somewhat like a feel-good glow from within, I'm just glad I've had the opportunity to feel that way during my internships.
Type 2. Also via internships, these are hi-bye folks who happen to work in your same firm. Other than some polite greetings or queries from time to time, we don't have much to do with one another because, either we don't hang out with the same crowd at lunchtimes or we are handling different aspects of the work processes that do not require much interaction. This, I have much accepted to be one of the inevitabilities in working life.
Type 3. People who are all out to destroy you. Relations to talk of, are likely non-existent. Do not need much elaboration. Stay away from them if possible, but if they are already part of Type 3 they probably know of your existence already and you know nothing thrills them more than to see you down and out. I have unfortunately (perhaps fortunate since the worst cases are those who crush you anonymously behind the scenes) come across some of these in my short working experiences, ironically in a school even. For now I am the unruly greenhorn and will stand against them if they cross my path again. Gimme coupla years down the road, I hope I still have the balls and principles. Thou shalt not retreat.
Type 4. This I just found out, how working relationships remain just working relationships. Note that this is different from Type 2 as these people have to work together, whether they like it or not (in my case, not), and are forced to engage in superficially chummy relationships. Not that I want things to move in any possible direction, but this is a group of people together solely for the sake of business, to make money. Most times, I probably don't have anything in common with them and wouldn't want anything to do with them if not for the temporal business association. I feel like a hypocrite.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Everything is voyeurism.
reading blogs, peering at the
passenger who'd just boarded the bus
observing crowds engrossed in a
performance instead of the performers
themselves
trying to catch faint remnants of
a stranger's conversations,
watching television
conversations about someone else's
life, sipping coffee and looking at
the passers-by.
reading blogs, peering at the
passenger who'd just boarded the bus
observing crowds engrossed in a
performance instead of the performers
themselves
trying to catch faint remnants of
a stranger's conversations,
watching television
conversations about someone else's
life, sipping coffee and looking at
the passers-by.
Friday, October 08, 2004
Maybe baby we've been living it up.. in bali all this while. And we never knew.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Thoughts on.
That which we can't deny not exist
that which I can't even explain of properly (facts impressions mindsets perceptions make quite a mess and don't quite link up seamlessly when the basis for them lies on illogical grounds)
just made its presence known when we least expected it. I'm quite certain you felt it too, the harm already done. Not once, not twice. I can't even place what it exactly is, but it bothers me. How does one resolve something that isn't supposed to be there, at all?
That which we can't deny not exist
that which I can't even explain of properly (facts impressions mindsets perceptions make quite a mess and don't quite link up seamlessly when the basis for them lies on illogical grounds)
just made its presence known when we least expected it. I'm quite certain you felt it too, the harm already done. Not once, not twice. I can't even place what it exactly is, but it bothers me. How does one resolve something that isn't supposed to be there, at all?
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
We're on a roll to nowhere, J and I.
Well, maybe somewhere.. to rotound physiques and empty wallets. Together we had signed up for a wine appreciation class last friday. I realized I still prefer whites and dig camembert cheese while she took on a fancy to sweet-tasting dessert wines, nothing more. It was funny to observe the wonders a little alcohol can do in helping to loosen everyone up; from a quiet bunch at the start, the class ended in so much noisy chatter and laughter that the french instructor has trouble making himself heard. On monday, we had lunch at a sushi bar, my craving for salmon sashimi finally satiated. As usual, J proved to be entertaining company with her weirdass comments - "I feel so cold!" exclaimed the sushi on a plate that was missing its transparent cover. Make-believe conversations among the bored lobsters in the tank opposite where we sat followed soon after. For sure this term is proving to be a term different from all the rest, off-campus fun ranks so high on our list of priorities we two better start gettin some work done.
Well, maybe somewhere.. to rotound physiques and empty wallets. Together we had signed up for a wine appreciation class last friday. I realized I still prefer whites and dig camembert cheese while she took on a fancy to sweet-tasting dessert wines, nothing more. It was funny to observe the wonders a little alcohol can do in helping to loosen everyone up; from a quiet bunch at the start, the class ended in so much noisy chatter and laughter that the french instructor has trouble making himself heard. On monday, we had lunch at a sushi bar, my craving for salmon sashimi finally satiated. As usual, J proved to be entertaining company with her weirdass comments - "I feel so cold!" exclaimed the sushi on a plate that was missing its transparent cover. Make-believe conversations among the bored lobsters in the tank opposite where we sat followed soon after. For sure this term is proving to be a term different from all the rest, off-campus fun ranks so high on our list of priorities we two better start gettin some work done.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
N went to bring some food to someone who is poor and living by himself. It is purely coincidental that my family knows an elderly guy who is in the same situation as well. He lives in a dingy neighborhood the government probably has forgotten during the elections campaigns. After his brother had passed away, he lives alone and does not leave the rented one-room flat, depending on his relatives (or us) to bring him food and groceries from time to time. Incredibly he manages to keep his tiny apartment spanking clean, not an easy task for one who is blind.
What I remember most from all the visits when I was a kid, was the huge b/w family portrait hung on one of the walls, of a wealthy partriach, his two wives and children, so quaint it could easily belong to a museum collection. I was so intrigued by this very portrait that tells of the rich family this man was born into and how one of the wives had gambled the family fortunes away, causing the family to fall into poverty. An unfortunate industrial accident later left him blind. Sounding very much like a soap opera storyline, the fact remains that it wasn't. This is his life. The last time we went to visit, the portrait had disappeared, supposedly removed by one of his relatives who'd came to visit. All that is left, the uncomfortably blank wall on which its frame once hung upon.
What I remember most from all the visits when I was a kid, was the huge b/w family portrait hung on one of the walls, of a wealthy partriach, his two wives and children, so quaint it could easily belong to a museum collection. I was so intrigued by this very portrait that tells of the rich family this man was born into and how one of the wives had gambled the family fortunes away, causing the family to fall into poverty. An unfortunate industrial accident later left him blind. Sounding very much like a soap opera storyline, the fact remains that it wasn't. This is his life. The last time we went to visit, the portrait had disappeared, supposedly removed by one of his relatives who'd came to visit. All that is left, the uncomfortably blank wall on which its frame once hung upon.
Trapped.
Monday, October 04, 2004
Insomnia48 has got to be the arts event of the year. While I didn't manage to go down for Saturday's 10pm-4am 'Sleepless in singapore' tour, my few hours spent there on Sunday afternoon turned out to be a fabulicious one. Apichatpong Weerasethakul's The Adventure of Iron Pussy so kicks ass that its wallpaper now occupies a permanent spot on my laptop (at least until my fascination ends). For now friends who accidentally glimpse upon my desktop background will continue to perceive me as the girl who's into campy thai transvestite porn.
L and I took countless pictures throughout the old parliament house that passers-by might have thought we were more interested in random shots of the surroundings and of ourselves than of the installations around us. Wholly untrue! We saw an artist who paints repeat images of her naked self, viewed videos of an artist who reads to corpses in the mortuary and watched a post-mod dance performance on the grassy lawns. How cool is all of that, on a lazy Sunday afternoon plus a leisurely stroll to the mrt station in the evening riverside breeze? So cool.
Sunday, October 03, 2004
I notice 2005 schedulers/diaries seem to be on sale a tat too early this year as I'm starting to miss N's presence. Captivated by the cambodian chicks? So mystified by the artefacts? Or well, captured by guerillas? Anything goes.
I don't know (the reasons, for both).
I don't know (the reasons, for both).
Saturday, October 02, 2004
Lovely picture, ain't it? I've always felt that b/w pictures exude a particular sense of charm-calm. And as I'd discovered today, Veronique Vial demonstrates this aspect perfectly. She had done a series of b/w portraits for her 'Women before 10 A.M' themed series. Flipping through, you might conclude these aren't any different. Just the usual shots of famous people, only they weren't made up or as well dressed as in glitzy functions. But I think otherwise. I love Vial's idea of linking all these portraits with a single simple theme, capturing people before/as/after they've woken up and before the stated 10 A.M - how, like conceptual art almost. I had popped by Books Kinokuniya after the meeting (lengthy, as usual) today and chanced upon its sequel, 'Men before 10 A.M Too'. Vial made men with toothbrushes in their mouths look sexy. Really.
Friday, October 01, 2004
I know I've got something goin and I don't give a damn how they've chosen to judge me.
I was called up for an interview yesterday and got blasted for my views on race issues in singapore. On why the situation is what it is today, one of the interviewers asked, attitude or ignorance. I said, a combination of both but more of ignorance. As I later walked out of the building, I realized, it had started off with ignorance but the attitude which stems from it is poisoning the mind so much that non-realization will deliver the final blow. Never mind I did not manage to say that when it mattered, at least I did try and I know I am passionate to my cause. This attempt is for you two, N and Mr P, who each have opened my eyes to issues I'd failed to see till only in recent months. Interestingly, Kirpal came by american studies class today and coincidentally talked about issues along the same line. So well, this issue could possibly be more deeply entrenched than I'd thought. A pity how the interviewers seem to see it as a couple of isolated incidents that I read too deeply into, at least this is the impression I got from those seven or so minutes with them.
I was called up for an interview yesterday and got blasted for my views on race issues in singapore. On why the situation is what it is today, one of the interviewers asked, attitude or ignorance. I said, a combination of both but more of ignorance. As I later walked out of the building, I realized, it had started off with ignorance but the attitude which stems from it is poisoning the mind so much that non-realization will deliver the final blow. Never mind I did not manage to say that when it mattered, at least I did try and I know I am passionate to my cause. This attempt is for you two, N and Mr P, who each have opened my eyes to issues I'd failed to see till only in recent months. Interestingly, Kirpal came by american studies class today and coincidentally talked about issues along the same line. So well, this issue could possibly be more deeply entrenched than I'd thought. A pity how the interviewers seem to see it as a couple of isolated incidents that I read too deeply into, at least this is the impression I got from those seven or so minutes with them.
